Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
