Small penises have feelings too.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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