i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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