Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
