so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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