if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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