if you like me you must not know who I am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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