I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
