Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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