I'm so fucking centered right now
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
