If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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