I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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