dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
