He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
