I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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