I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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