the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
