oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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