it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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