Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
