You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
