mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
