We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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