why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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