Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
