Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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