Whod you bang
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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