My friends, they love my intelligence
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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