well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
one two three fourrrrnication!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
now i know why i became what i already was.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
