hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone shattered a urinal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
