Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All the doctor said was why
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
