there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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