ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
