She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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