Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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