ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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