Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
