And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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