its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
