Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
