I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
