I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
