Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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