Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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