How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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