Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
