we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
