I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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