i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
pop tarts are not kleenex
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
