Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
